tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC December 29, 2015 11:35pm-12:37am PST
and now abc's jimmy kimmel. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, john krasinski. from espn, chris fowler and kirk herbstreit. and music from seal. with cleto and the cletones. and now, get ready, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] very nice. thank you for watching. thanks. you know we have weird morning here. all the schools in los angeles were closed today because someone -- they haven't figured
system a threatening e-mail. they got a similar note in new they decided it was a hoax, the schools stayed open. here in l.a. we have so many difference between real and fake anymore. more than 700,000 students were told not to come to school today which meant lot of our staff members had to bring their kids into the office. so since they were here we decided to put them to work. i actually had one of them write and let's see what he came up with here. let's see. "star wars" is opening on friday. and cows are really excited because they love to go to the moo-vies. [ cheers and applause ] i don't get it. cows don't go to the movies. it doesn't make any sense at all. this is a terrible joke. you come into my office and you give me a joke like this?
i mean, you know, you know that house you live in? the reason that your parents are able to pay the rent is because your father works on this show. and now i get a joke like this -- you're fired. get out of here. take this joke with you. yeah, no, no, you can't -- you have to -- you can't -- you can't coddle them. we're going to need the headset, too. yeah. go on and -- yeah, go play by the snack table. [ applause ] it has a sadder ending than i anticipated. you guys know this isn't real, right? right, guillermo? >> right, jimmy.
year students in illinois, they participate in something called dial a carol. something they came up with in 1960. people call them and request a song and then the students sing the song for them live. so they open the lines at midnight on thursday. so far they've received more than 11,000 calls which is incredible. they finally figured out a way to make music come out of your phone. but it's popular. it's so popular, in fact, this style of carol that the idea is spreading to other religions. >> if you like dial a carol you'll love han-a-call. we're standing by to sing all of your favorite hanukkah songs. >> what tune would you like to hear today? the driedle song? sure thing. dradel dradel dradel and when it's dry and ready oh dreidel i will play >> we know every hanukkah song in the book. and we're ready to sing it for wow. >> you want to hear the dradel
>> 24 hours a day, eight nights of hanukkah. >> let me guess, the [ bleep ] dradel song! i made it out of clay >> what are you waiting for? i made it out of clay >> gary, are you going the hanukkah thing again? we talked about this. you're fired. >> jimmy: that's it. really, really bad news, that kid i fired, that's his father. [ laughter ] this is funny. we scour the news every day for anything local that might be of interest nationally. this gem comes courtesy of the cbs affiliate in rochester, minnesota. a story of a bank robbery turned into a live news event of the ages. >> we first today turn to the bank investigation. we are live with more. adam?
bank in -- >> that guy right there. >> what? >> that's the robber. >> oh, that's the robber. this is live tv, folks. by, according to the bank employee. so i got to go here and call 911. i'll talk to you later. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they'll definitely get an emmy. that's how "fargo" season 3 starts. [ laughter ] the debate starring donald trump and friends, it took place at the venetian hotel in las vegas, moderated by celine dion. this is the fifth debate between the republican candidates and one big question still remains unanswered. that question is, who the hell is this man? i think he's my dad's friend from work. but i could be wrong. all the big names were there. trump, cruz, carson, chris christie got moved up from what they call the kids' table to the
apparently he ate everything on the kids' table so they had to move him. the reason chris christie is picking up steam, he points out the other candidates want to build walls or beef up border patrols. he's the only candidate with an actual experience in stopping people from getting where they want to go. he stopped thousands of people in new jersey from crossing the bridge into new york. he can do that with mexico, too, folks. [ laughter ] by the way, donald trump was center stage. trump now holds a very big lead in the national polls. trump leads ted cruz by 27 points in the new monmouth poll and he's also way ahead in the new lat moth poll. i don't know if i trust these polls. basically donald trump is leading among people who still answer their landline at their house. you know? donald trump is going to be with us tomorrow night. and he will be here in studio. he says a lot of interesting stuff, so we decided to have fun with that.
on the street and asked people if they had heard about a bunch of things that we made up in this donald trump edition of "lie witness news." >> i'm sure you saw that rally in ohio where donald trump wore the diaper and swung the baby bottle around, i'm a democrat, someone change my dipy. did that help or hurt his legitimacy? >> it hurt. >> where did tu see it? >> i probably heard about it. >> were you surprised when you heard donald trump say guns don't kill people, marco rubio's cousins do. >> coming from donald trump, not at all. >> where did you hear about that? >> always the news and/or the internet. >> we're talking to people about donald trump. some of his comments about muslims have some people comparing them with hitler. hitler's been trying to distance himself from donald trump. this morning hitler tweeted, trump can kiss my wiener
what did you think? funny. >> did you see that? >> i saw it on twitter. >> people have been talking about it? >> yes, it was all over my twitter. >> people are laughing saying they're glad donald trump is presidency. >> by hitler? >> by hitler. >> what did you think of donald trump's statement, if it's brown, flush it down to mexico? >> i thought -- >> flush all that brown down to mexico. that? >> i agree with him. it's true, yeah. it's true. >> i still thought, oh, my god, did you really say that? >> where were you when you saw him say that? >> i was at home. on television. i was like, oh, my god, did he really just say that. >> do me a favor, guys, look in the camera and tell donald trump what you want to tell him? >> go, go, go, you're going to >> donald trump, i love you. keep being you. >> that's what we need, a great businessman like donald trump to run our country. >> absolutely. >> good man, like him.
>> no, absolutely not. [ applause ] >> jimmy: part of what makes the holiday season festive is the music, holiday music. our musical guest tonight is the [ cheers and applause ] seal is a grammy award winner. tonight he's releasing a new project specifically for the holidays for anyone who loves christmas, for what it really is. >> hello, i'm seal. every christmas artists like myself release albums about the joy and wonder of the season. but what about the parts of christmas that aren't so joyous? what about the parts of christmas that kind of suck? well, now, there's an album for that, too. >> seal's "honest christmas carols" with realistic soon to be holiday hits like -- no one likes your ugly sweater party
smile >> seal sings what you're thinking. mom's drunk again >> christmas carols you always wish you had. i don't want to meet your family because i'm breaking up with you next week yeah >> and of course the timeless classic. all my friends from high school are fat yeah all my friends from high school are fat >> finally, songs you wish existed. another [ bleep ] get car this is just what i needed >> seal's honest christmas carols, the perfect gift for people you know. >> order now and tell them how you really feel. my cousin's new boyfriend is a
>> "seal's honest christmas carols," available at walgreens. >> jimmy: when we come back i'm going to tell you about the -- i saw the new "star wars" movie last night. i'll tell you how it ends. and my aunt chippy is going to reveal our family christmas cards and i'll tell you about my holiday prank war with john krasinski. we'll be right back.
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from seal is on the way. but right across the street from us in hollywood, the premiere of "star wars." this is a movie. have you heard about it? i saw it last night. and then today everyone at work just said -- everyone kept saying over and over, i don't want to hear anything about it. i don't want to know anything. i really feel like i want to tell somebody something. so there's a thing called the force. and it's got a real dark side but it also has a mellow side. kind of like snoop dogg in a way. so this is how things go in my family. my aunt chippy called my wife the other day to thank her for my christmas card in the mail. photo of our daughter 17 months old. dressed as santa claus. my aunt said she appreciated my card because she's sick of getting stupid cards. my aunt chippy turns out in particular don't like the cards my brother sends out every year. my brother makes funny cards with photo shop with his kids in them. we brought her in to give her a review of some of those cards and as she usually does, to
good energy and, action! >> here's a doozy. it's a doozy. this is from my nephew jonathan of -- can you find the kids in here? this is [ bleep ]. don't do me no favors, jonathan. you've got this big [ bleep ] card and your kids' faces are as big as a pinhead. oh, here's jonathan's kids again. they're really cute kids in person. i mean, they're adorable in person. you would never know it by seeing the cards this [ bleep ] sends out. jump for joy. jump [ bleep ]. i don't want to see any babies jumping out of planes. thank you. merry christmas. whatever [ bleep ] you got for me? now, this is what a christmas card should look like. look at that adorable little girl.
she was little. nice christmas picture. the face you want to eat up. and a picture that makes you happy when you see it, when you are really down in the dumps and feel like [ bleep ]. >> there wasn't quite enough energy in that so we're going do the whole thing again. >> [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. let me tell you something, you push, you push, you push. one of these days i'm going to knock your freakin' teeth out. >> merry christmas. >> and a merry christmas to you, too. [ applause ] >> jimmy: we have a very good show for you tonight. we have music from seal from espn chris fowler and kirk herbstreit here and my old pal john krasinski is visiting. we have a holiday tradition of pulling -- what have become elaborate pranks on each other. he started it. four years ago john and his wife emily broke into my house and they put a lit up snowman and santa in my living room.
a couple of days later i bought a neon insurance sign from craigslist and put it in their front yard. there's john with the sign. john, i don't think this was even christmas. found a garden zombie in the sky mall and he planted it in our garden. which i will tell you when you go out in the garden and happen upon that, terrifying. scary. next year i got ahold of 26-foot inflatable reindeer and i inflated it in front of his house and added reindeer poop while we were at it. next year i upped the ante more. i sent eight trucks worth of holiday decorations and a huge crew to wrap his whole house. we gift wrapped his house. and then he came home from work and i figured, that would be it, right? that would be the end of this. but it wasn't because last year they wrapped my car. and i knew it was him when i saw
they filled it with glass ornaments. and this, by the way, yeah, they all came out. this -- this didn't happen only once. the next night i went out to the car again and it was wrapped again. and then there were people in the car this time. christmas carollers popped out and sang. and then when his wife emily was a guest here on the show, john surprised me with this. now, this is -- that's john in front of my car that he banged into the wall. yeah. and dropped a piano on my car. so this year it's on. i mean, it's -- there's no baby jesus anymore. okay? and we will share the results of what was done to me in just a
we'll be right back with john krasinski. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" live is brought to you by holiday extra happy when you buy one get one free on our most popular smartphones... like the samsung galaxy s6. buy one get one free. so spread some cheer. and capture every minute of it.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight, a couple of college football fellas. they have plans for you on new year's eve. from espn, chris fowler and kirk herbstreit are here. then, a very talented gentleman, his new album is called "seal seven," seal from the samsung outdoor stage. tomorrow night, we have quite a show tomorrow night, we'll have donald trump, music from gary clark jr and a new edition of mean tweets. so please join us for that. we have a very funny actor and dangerous neighbor who has transformed his body into that of a navy s.e.a.l.
bay movie, "19 hours: the secret soldiers of benghazi." >> i'm thinking of my girl, man. i'm thinking, what would they say about me? he died in a place he didn't need to be in a battle over something he doesn't understand in a country that meant nothing to him. every time i go home to becky and those girls, i think, this is it, i'm going to stay. and then something happens and i end up back here. why is that? why can't i go home? why can't i go home and just stay there? >> jimmy: "13 hours: the secret soldiers of benghazi." it opens january 15th. please welcome john krasinski.
>> thank you. >> jimmy: guillermo told me you had a pit bull back there and i believed it. >> i saw your reaction, does he? [ laughter ] that was amazing. >> jimmy: before we get to the prank story, this is not your typical michael bey movie. there's action but it's real based on a real story. >> yeah, based on the most incredible true story about -- it's a story i don't think a lot of people know. i think people think they know about benghazi. i didn't know all the details until i read the book. the true heroes wrote the book and it's about the six guys that went in to try to save ambassador stevens that night and ended up saving 29 american lives. they were under siege by 250, 290 guys, for 13 hours straight. it's a pretty harrowing story. unbelievable. >> jimmy: you play a real person? >> i do. i do, yeah. >> jimmy: is he named in the movie? >> in the book he's actually one of the guys that's still remaining confidential but in
silva. and he's a navy seal and basically the story is, they're contractors by the cia. so not active military at the time. ex-retired military. the crazy part about this story is they have no obligation to go. so they didn't have to go in and save anybody. they could have just stayed where they were and stayed safe and they put their lives on the line immediately. >> jimmy: did you meet the man you're playing in the movie? >> i did. it was one of the most emotional things. he's such an incredible guy. amazing to see these guys how unassuming they are. nice gentle guys. if you saw them at bar, you wouldn't go, you're a navy s.e.a.l. they're just the greatest, good guys who do these things without any hesitation. >> jimmy: you had to go on a diet and start working out in a way that was -- i felt like it was infringing on my fun. it's true. >> it's true. we didn't have any fun. i just came over and drank water at your house, basically. >> jimmy: you can't eat anything. you can't drink. what was your regimen? what was the workout you went
>> basically eating salads and chicken and water. and working out all the time. we did two-a-day workouts with my trainer jason walsh who is a really great guy. >> jimmy: seven days a week you worked out? >> probably five and six days a week, twice a day. i was doing, let's do it, get the bench press going. he said, no, drag that sled from here to there. i thought, how hard is that? i was having a heart attack. it was so awful. >> jimmy: what was your body fat when you started, your percentage? >> you shouldn't say this on television. my body fat was, i believe, 25%. >> jimmy: that's good, right? >> no, no. >> jimmy: 75% not fat. >> i thought so, too. not bad, right? he was like, it's awful. it's awful. and then by the time i did the movie by body fat was 9%. >> jimmy: so this is -- [ applause ] -- this came out tonight. this is "men's health" magazine. i'm very upset because i really feel i should have been invited
"how john got jacked." [ laughter ] where is the guy who jacked you? is he in the alley? >> he tried to take my leather jacket, so i had to take it off and hold it, protect it. >> jimmy: let's look at the spoilers on the big screen so people can really see. there you are bike riding. that's a bike. >> that really shows it off. shows off all the work. >> jimmy: that's a good one. there you're pondering, deep in thought. >> just before i got mugged. >> jimmy: all right. oh, there you are. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: very muscular. i think we have one more. yeah, yeah. my goodness. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, you're greasy and muscular and all of that stuff. this is so exciting. >> you never say stuff like a to -- you never say stuff like that to me. >> jimmy: i say you're greasy sometimes. i have the body of not a navy s.e.a.l. but an actual seal.
>> no, my biggest regret is that i didn't get to eat with you at your house. >> jimmy: now plenty of time. >> he comes home and the first thing he does is cook pizzas and spaghetti to just like calm down. >> jimmy: what? >> yeah. i throw on "game of thrones" and pass out. that's the difference between us. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break here. when we come back i told the audience a little bit about our holiday annual prank war. we're going see how jimmy got jacked when we come back. john krasinski is here. [ cheers and applause ] fact you won't find the brand pharmacists recommend most
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>> jimmy: we're back with john krasinski. chris fowler and kirk herbstreit will be here, along with seal. when did the prank start? >> four years ago you broke into my home. >> yeah. >> pretty innocent. >> allbeyond. your producer called it be cubed. >> jimmy: be cubed. >> no one will ever use that again. >> jimmy: last year it got a little bit crazy with my car. >> yeah. we took it up a notch. >> jimmy: so this year -- >> it got frightening. >> jimmy: -- i was under the impression it was like my turn this year to do something to you. >> this is my greatest joy about this year's prank is that we alternate and i robbed you of the joy. and when i did the prank to you i remember seeing your eyes like, that's really funny. i hate you. >> jimmy: yeah, well, because i knew you were coming. i was like, oh, we've got to do something to john when he was here. >> the night before you got here, oh, we can't wait to get
she was like, totally. >> jimmy: and then -- >> mary told her about it. >> do you want any of these other topics? >> definitely need the topic. >> i'll just wave them? >> okay. >> ho, ho, ho, merry christmas. i'm your secret santa. >> [ bleep ]. what is going on here? >> ho, ho, ho. >> jimmy: yeah, that was much more graphic than it appeared on television. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i figured, that's cute. that was fun. >> that wasn't me. >> jimmy: and yet -- and here we
>> jimmy: oh, my god. again? oh, my god. oh, boy. open me. i'm trying to open you. oh. oh, i see what's going to happen here. >> do you? yeah! get in here. happy holidays. >> jimmy: wow, so there's no card? >> no, nothing. >> jimmy: this was my office. >> not anymore. >> jimmy: all right well, there we go. have yourself a merry little christmas. >> okay. >> jimmy: you're breaking things. >> sorry.
snow in my office. so well done. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you went to great lengths. but i do have a little something for you. >> no. >> jimmy: yeah, i do have a little something planned. now look at the video screen here. now, that's me at work. and that's your head. >> don't do it. >> jimmy: as you can see. and i made a sign, some signs for you. >> oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: and see if you recognize that address. that is your home address, john. >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: and what we did is we put that on the xerox machine, good old xerox machine. we printed out a couple hundred copies of this yard sale sign. >> no. which that is my real address. >> jimmy: that is your real address. we posted them all over town
so those are out there now. and there are quite a few of them. by tar pits in case the tourists came by. >> is that guy -- >> jimmy: i don't know if you -- >> ucla? >> jimmy: -- have things you need to sell? >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: but we got a lot of them out there. >> wait a minute. >> jimmy: and the good news is, you're going to have an early morning tomorrow morning. [ applause ] at 6:00 a.m. tomorrow. sometimes they show up early. >> you get to laugh because all you're thinking about is this is going to be so awful. >> jimmy: yeah. i've been in that situation before. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i have one other thing for you, also. one other little surprise.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back. still to come, music from seal. i have to say, i've never had this much eggnog on me, ever. if you are the kind of fan who sleeps in a football helmet and pre-ordered a coffin in your alma mater's team colors, then you are definitely familiar with our next guests on "saturday night football" and "college game day," starting at 4:00 p.m. they'll bring you the second ever college football playoff,
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good to see you. this didn't turn out exactly how i had planned, but, you know. >> that's next level stuff there. >> jimmy: next year there will be a murder. >> yes. i don't know where you can go at this point. >> jimmy: so this is our annual prank show. you guys -- now, there was a prank on halloween. and maybe you should start off telling us a little bit about this, what happened. >> well, first of all, it's not -- >> first of all -- >> first of all, i think it's more like a little surprise than a prank. it wasn't at that level. but halloween eve we're in philadelphia. there's a haunted penitentiary where al capone was once jailed. they have a halloween month long thing.
you are grabbed by goblins and you navigate through it. kirk said he was going to be there but bagged out at the last minute and went to something even scarier, 76ers game and sat courtside. we thought we would bring the show to him in the booth on halloween night. >> i'm not a fan. >> jimmy: is that the way it went? >> no, i said i wasn't going. there's no chance i'm going. >> jimmy: and then they wound up bringing a zombie on camera. >> looked like notre dame was just going to -- >> oh, god. >> come on back in here, kirk. these are some friends of mine from the eastern state pen tentiary that we visited last night. they got you. you got him. >> jimmy: let's watch this once more in slow motion just for the sound. >> ah!
>> the ninja kick self-defense. like an injured orangutang. >> that was great. that was a lot of fun. >> i gave them no instructions to charge him. i think the fact that there was a very petite zombie. those were two temple students. >> jimmy: they're scary when they're little, aren't they? >> tiny and charged him aggressively. >> jimmy: so tonight in the spirit of fairness we set up a zombie in your -- >> before you say that, he claims he can never be scared. he went to that haunted mansion. >> i don't claim that. i don't claim that. >> i said was it scary? no, wasn't that bad. not a big a deal. everybody else said they were terrified. tonight i asked your guys if we could do this. >> jimmy: we did. we are very accommodating in that way. >> yes. >> see you. >> you got it. >> all right, chris. >> [ bleep ].
>> [ bleep ]. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i think -- >> well played. >> jimmy: kirk still has you. >> you bleeped it out, thank you. >> jimmy: you guys on new year's eve, now, you want people to stop watchininthis big stupid mirror ball that comes down and start watching the football as we call it on new year's eve. >> yes. don't go to work on new year's eve. because 4:00 eastern, 1:00 pacific is the first semifinals. you can't be productive on new year's eve anyway. >> jimmy: you need to take the day off. >> yes, take the day off. for the night game make sure whatever party you're going to has the tv on. >> in all seriousness. it's a new thing for espn. the college football game is on new year's eve which is different from january 1st or 11th. yeah, we had a 4:00 p.m. eastern kick with oklahoma and clemson. then 8:00 the game chris and i
cotton bowl. >> we said last year there were controversy, people got mad about the four teams chosen. it wasn't the case this year. they have all of these smart people on the committee and they spent all these hours. at the end of the day, you could have had have added guillermo, your friend yaya, captain america. if you gave them the piece of paper they would have done it and been right. >> jimmy: will you make a pick on the games? i know you don't typically do it. >> the game that i call, i won't. i'm safe there. i have to make a pick on the other game. i'll probably pick oklahoma. i think oklahoma is the most complete team right now. i think oklahoma is the team to beat in the orange bowl. >> jimmy: i imagine that, you could turn the whole new year's eve celebration upside-down now. [ laughter ] but it's a -- >> i'm just happy to have a new year's eve. we used to have a show, "game day" still exists on new year's morning.
hours sleep. and had no new year's eve. so at least we'll be having fun. >> jimmy: will you get drunk during the game? >> maybe after. not during. not during. >> jimmy: maybe during. >> only if there's more pranks. then all bets are off. >> jimmy: look up. here it comes. >> don't you dare. >> jimmy: chris fowler and kirk herbstreit! the college football playoff begins on new year's eve at 4:00 p.m. eastern on espn. we'll be right back with seal.
series is presented by samsung. >> the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: thanks to john krasinski, chris fowler, kirk herbstreit, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first, you can see this full concert on yahoo. his album is called "seal seven." here with the song "every time i'm with you," seal. are we going insane do we need to explain i feel like we know it am i doing it right
there is so much at stake hearts too soft to break but we don't need to go there 'cause we're like summer and rain you and i we're like the summer rain coming in let me know if you like it show me you like it show me excited i can lose it all it won't be daunting somehow i don't think i'd even care 'cause every time i'm with you